


Drowning

by CrescentBloodMoon999



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Christopher Missed Buck, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Guilty Eddie Diaz, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 15:40:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21121190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrescentBloodMoon999/pseuds/CrescentBloodMoon999
Summary: “Get the hell away from me and get the hell away from my son”Those are the words that rung in his ears.





	Drowning

**Author's Note:**

> I made some tweaks and adjustments, but the story is still the same.
> 
> I just discovered this site, and I suck at writing fluff and stuff. And I want to get this out of my head. Ever since I saw 9-1-1, I can't stop shipping Buck and Eddie. It hurts. My ship is just floating, waiting to sail. Welp.
> 
> I hope this does well.

"Get the hell away from me and get the hell away from my son."

Those are the words that still rang in Buck's ears. After the incident from the pier. The look on Eddie's face upon seeing Buck with Christopher's glasses slung over his neck. Sadness then it turns into hate. Buck tried to explain to Eddie what happened. Stuttering.

He messed up big time. He trusted him with his son, and what did he do? Play hero instead of being on Christopher's side, protecting him.

Buck, saw Eddie's face turns into relief for a second, narrowing his eyes. He is focusing on Buck.

"Christopher?" Eddie whispered, ignoring Buck's stuttering explanation running towards the woman who was hugging a child. Buck knows every expression Eddie has, and by the looks of it, he turns around and saws a woman carrying a child with a red hoodie.

*****  
At the hospital, he was alone. Occasionally, his sister would visit him and keep him company, sometimes Chim, Hen, or Bobby. But no Eddie and Christopher. He asked them about Christopher, but all they knew was Eddie was on leave to deal with the trauma the kid experience from the tsunami. Buck knew he was the reason behind it. It was his fault.

"How was Christopher?" He asked Maddie.  
"He's still recovering. We don't know what's his status know. Eddie's been quiet about it." Maddie told him, but he knew that there's something else behind that latter Maddie told Buck.

*****

On the station, Eddie was avoiding him like the plague. When he entered the stations' premises, he saw Eddie talking to Chim and Hen like they were petty arguing or something. They glance at Buck, and Buck is likewise to them. He looked at Eddie with still anger lingering behind those brown eyes he fell in love with, It hurt. He tore his eyes from Eddie and towards the locker and put his bag inside.

It's tearing him apart. The cold stare he got from Eddie, the man he loved since the bomb squabble. 

He clenched his jaw biting his tongue, preventing tears from escaping his eyes. The night terrors were not helping at all — the screaming of Christopher calling Buck. The water was dragging Christopher away from his grasp. Buck took a deep breath, starting the day with angry Eddie.

*****

Now he's standing in front of Diaz residence palms shaking, heart pounding. He Knocks. The door opened, and he saw Eddie with his still cold stare towards Buck.

"What do you want?" He said anger laced in his voice.

"Eddie, please let me explain. I-I tried too. I tried to find him. I~" He was cut off by the sudden burst of Eddie's voice.

"I trusted YOU, Buck! I trusted you to be with him, but what did you do? Instead of being beside him, you go playing the hero." Eddie shouted on his face.

"Please, Eddie, let me see him if he's alright."

"And what makes you think that I would do that?"

Buck's lost for words staring at Eddie. Hurt. His chest in pain. Eyes were pleading towards Eddie but still with his cold livid eyes.

"Just get the hell away from me and get the hell away from my son." He said, slamming the door on his face.

Buck was standing there. The words rung in his ears, looking still at the door. Like the bomb exploded from the fire truck.

It hurt more than his leg crushed under the fire truck.

Then he heard the unmistakable voice of Christopher.

"Was that Buck, Dad? I want to see Buck."

"He was passing by Bud. He told me he was checking in. He had to go. It was an emergency."

"But I want to see Buck, Dad. When can I see him?"

"Bud, Buck is busy right now. Someday okay?"

"Okay." 

Buck left silently off the porch. He was clenching his jaw to stop his caged emotion from bursting. 

While the memories of the past, trying to catch up to him.

He entered his Wrangler, gripping the wheel hard, turning his knuckles white. He took a deep breath and drove towards his apartment. Tossing his keys on the table, he sat at the sofa and breathing heavy, his hands running on his hair. His emotions were running through him like the wave, drowning him.

The next two weeks walk past like a high-noon desert wind. Buck shut himself off to the world, and his sister is getting worried about him. Hell, all of the T-118 is getting concerned about him. Bobby was the one who took action, sitting next to Buck as Buck unpack some of his things out of his bag.

"Hey, Buck. How are you doing?" He asked gently to Buck.

"Fine," Buck answered, not looking whose asking.

"Okay, I was hoping to get more than that. How was your week?"

"Fine. I guess extra shifts are getting my focus on the job. Not getting…" Buck stopped himself zoning out.

"Hey… You okay?" Bobby asked, concerned, shaking Buck's shoulder.

"Yeah." He said, getting up, jaw clench, and going into the showers.

Bobby looked at Chim and Hen with a total concerned look. Eddie, on the other hand, just looking curious about what is on. He still hasn't forgiven Buck from getting his son into that mess. His son still has nightmares about the water. About the pier, Christopher screaming his Buck's name.

****  
That night the team agreed to visit Buck at his apartment. They plan to surprise him. Chim and Hen got the pizza, and Maddie got the beers.

Maddie was the first to arrive at Bucks's apartment. Frowning, when the lights are off. She looked at her wrist. It was still early for Buck to be asleep. Her head snapped at the garage. His Wrangler is even parked.

Her heart began beating faster on her rib cage. Dread, nagging at the back of her head. That something has happened, and the uneasy feeling started this morning and now? Upon seeing the apartment for herself, doubles.

She frantically knocked on the door.

"BUCK!!! BUCK! Open the door!" She shouted.

"Buck! Oh, God." She fished out her phone and dialed Athena.

"Maddie? Sweetie, what's up? Are you at Bucks apartment already?" 

"Yeah, I'm here, but…" She said, voice trembling.

"What's wrong, Maddie?" Athena noticed her distress on her voice and now on alert.

"It's Buck. His apartment, the lights are off, and his jeep is still parked, and t-this is, I think something happened." 

"Alright, calm down, take a deep breath, and check over the window." 

"Alright." 

Upon walking towards the window to check, Maddie was surprised that everything is intact and no sign of his little brother Evan.

"He's not here. Everything is intact. I'm going in…" She told Athena on the phone and hang-up.

She looked under the pot where Evan told her the other spare key. Thankfully it's still there. She unlocked the door and opened it frantically, searching inside.

The other's arrived just as Maddie was looking upstairs for Buck. Everything is clean and intact. 

It is not like Buck at all. I mean, there should be an occasional beer bottle lying on the table, but there isn't.

"Maddie. Are you alright?" Chim asked upon entering the apartment. Worried stretching his demeanor.

Athena just gave her a worried look. Henrietta looked around and found Buck's phone on the bed.

"Maddie!" Henrietta called.

"What?" She asked, and Hen just held a phone. Bucks' phone.

"This isn't Buck at all… He never leaves his phone, like this." She said worriedly.

"No signed of forced entry at the back either. Maybe Buck just went on to a grocery store." Athena said, suggesting her assessment on things.

Maddie sighed and relaxed a little.

"Uh… Maddie???" Chim called Maddie, concerned he found something in the kitchen.

"Is that what I think it is?" Athena asked, looking at a small pouch Chim is holding.

"Buck would never…" Her voice's fading still not believing that her little brother would be in such things.

Bobby and Eddie arrived at the scene. They're Looking at all of them with a beer can and a bottle of wine.

"Did we miss something?" Bobby asked them after kissing Athena. He looked at Eddie with the same confused look.

Then it occurred to Maddie this has happened before. This familiar episode, it's all too familiar. She gasps loud enough to be heard by everyone.

"Maddie?" Chim asked beside her. The others are starting to get worried.

"We need to find Buck NOW! He's shutting off again."

"W-what are you talking about?" Hen asked.

"This… this setting. This episode. It all happened before." Maddie said, anxiety getting through her.

"When we--I mean when he was in high school. Something terrible happened, and they all blame him for what he did, which the investigation concluded that it was a total accident. But he didn't stop blaming himself of what happened." Maddie explained briefly.

Athena's phone rings.

"Yes, this is Athena," Athena answered her phone. She is looking all at them.

***** 1 hour before Buck's Apartment Casa Diaz*****

Eddie was looking at the person opposite him. The had the same face, the same features, the same bone structure with brown eyes were cold. He didn't recognize the person staring back at him.

He frowned and continued adjusting his hair. Ignoring his reflection and focusing on his nose.

"Daddy?" Christopher called outside.

"Yeah, Bud. Be right there, almost done." He told the kid. "What's up?" Opening the door and heading towards Christ sitting on the couch.

"I had a bad dream," Chris told him.

"What is it, Bud?" He asked gently. Buck notices Christopher's teary eyes.

"Dad, its Buck." He told him. Kinds of emotion flared inside of him, but the guilt was one of the most. He kept his composure in front of Christopher and encouraging him to continue.

"Dad… In my dream, Buck's hurt. Bad." Chris told his father. "He was hurt, and a car hit him." Chris sobs after he told his father about his terrible dream.

"Shh… it's okay. It's just a dream. It's not real, okay? Buck's fine." He assured the kid, but he wasn't. He kept calm for the kid's sake.

He had a bad feeling, it's been a while now, that something terrible is going to happen. He felt it. He trusted his gut. He learned to trust his gut instinct; it kept him alive when he was in Afghanistan.

*

Carla arrived to take Chris for tonight. He apologized to her for the inconvenience he brought her. She dismissed him by saying. "Eddie, it's no problem. I love this kid. It's no problem at all." She smiled at him, looking at Chris, who was watching some cartoons on the TV.

She looked back at him, frowning.

"Is something wrong, Eddie?"

"Huh?" He asked distractedly. She just looked at him unimpressed.

"I-it's nothing." He sighed. "Okay, it's about Buck." He told her.

"What is this about, Buck? What did you do?"

"I-I-I messed it up, Carla. I said something that it's going to cost me a lot." He said, defeated and angry at himself.

He explained to Carla what happened and everything. She gave him the talk and some major wake up call. That he has to fix it before it goes bad to worse, he told him his feeling about the particular blonde with a birthmark on his left eye. It was there lingering when they first meet at the bomb dispute, and he fell when Buck showed caring towards Christopher and everything. His feeling for Buck, he bottled up not wanting to ruin and to save the friendship they had for whatever feelings he has for Buck.

He didn't want to make the same mistake he did five years ago. So, he kept it to himself and be just friends with Buck. Every day was a struggle keeping his emotions in. Then the Tsunami incident. He lost it there. He lashes his anger, not meant towards Buck.

"You go and fix it before something bad happened. You hear me, Eddie?" Carla gave her a motherly look, and Eddie just nodded.

"I will look for Christopher tonight. You go get him and fix it."

*****

Buck stares at the people pass through like a fast-forwarded video, and everyone walked around brisk, leisure, and tentative. He just recently took one of his functional medicine. It's legalized, from a legal doctor with a special permit. It took him a week to acquire it: paper works and such things.

He was out of it, the funny thing is, it doesn't seem to work. It only makes him float — cloudy, fogged mind. Everything feels light. His body is buzzing, and he felt every air pass through his skin.

The things he did. The idea that he thinks he did. Surging towards him like the inevitable wave.  
It's your fault, Buck!  
Where is my son!!!  
You killed us, Buck!  
Then he saw Eddie in front of him--He trembled, looking at Eddie. His face was full of anger toward Buck.  
"It's your fault, Evan! Your FAULT!"   
"N-no no its-it's not. Please, no. Let me explain." Buck sob.

He stands and backs-up the wall. He is holding his head, restlessly repeating no.  
A police officer saw him and came, quickly recognized him from station 118, Evan Buckley.  
"Dispatch, this is Officer Romero requesting Medical assistance a possible 5150 & 10-45b."

Officer Romero hunch down along with Buck keeping him calm, preventing the younger firefighter from going deep in his panic attack.

"The name of the 10-45b is Evan Buckley from LAFD 118."

"Hey, Kid. Breathe with me. In and Out. In and Out. In and Out. Okay. That's good." The Officer successfully calm Buck down.

*****

"Yes, this is Athena," Athena answered her phone. She is looking all at them.

"Okay, where on our way." She hung-up. 

"David called, one of the officer name Romero found Buck on the streets a possible 5150." She told everyone in the apartment.

"W-where is he now?" Eddie asked. He is worried that it may be too late.

Without a word, Maddie was the first one to sprint towards the door, not waiting for everyone to respond. She entered her car, and Chim opens the passenger side.

"She's gonna be okay, Maddie." He tried to calm him down.

"I-It's, I don't want him to go back in that state. It took me years to bring him back to reality." Her voice cracked, vaguely explaining to Howie the details.

*****

"They found a stick on his pocket and a doctor's certificate and prescription. Good thing he carries it." Athena said.

"Why would he be on this?" Bobby asked.

"Chemical drugs are not working for him," Maddie answered. They looked at him, confused, and looking for explanations.

"It's been a while since he has this episode. It took us years to easily coax him back out to reality, and it was not easy. Radio silent, then he would disappear in the middle of the night. It happened when the fire killed h-his boyfriend and his father." Maddie explained she sobbed, looking at his little brother on the bed, peaceful.

"He blamed himself after that. Hell, the whole town blamed him for that accident. They didn't believe it was an accident. He was, and everyone thought of him as an unwanted black sheep." Maddie caressed Bucks's face and softly combing his disheveled hair.

Eddie felt even guiltier for what he did. He should have listened to Buck. Let him explained. Instead, he slammed the door on his face. He loved Buck. The first time he saw him, it was all cliché and chick-flick, slow motion, and heart-pounding fluffy stuff.

Now looking at him, his heart broke.

Everyone heads home, Eddie and Maddie stayed a little longer. Buck hasn't woken up yet. The doctor told them that he was just exhausted and his lack of sleep this past week.  
Eddie sat beside the sleeping blonde, picking up Buck's hand, interlocking it with his bringing it towards his face, kissing.

"I'm sorry, Buck." He whispered between his and Buck's interlocking hand.

"I'm so sorry; I should have listened… I lashed out at you." Silence followed as Eddie was looking at Buck.

"Chris misses you. You know?" He said, jaw twitching suppressing his tears from coming out. "I miss you." Eddie caressed the other man's face.

Little did Eddie know that Maddie was behind him. She was standing, hand on her mouth. Silently watching the scene unfold and Eddie confessing his feeling to Buck. She knew all along on how 

Buck babbles about his man-crush. She was happy that Eddie is with him. He is looking out at him.

*

Buck woke at the warm on his hands. He took a moment to adjust his vision. He notices the person beside him. Sleeping soundly. It was from Eddie.

He stopped himself from jerking his hand away from Eddie, and he silently watches him. His face. The growing scruff on his face. The bone structure that he admired.

He brushed his fingertips to the man's cheek, stirring him awake.

"Buck!" He said, surprised.

Buck just smiled at him. The panic on Eddie's chest vanished as he saw Evan Buckley smiled at him. He stopped and looked at him.

"Eddie," Buck whispered, but it was enough for Eddie to hear. It was soft and content with a pinch of happiness.  
"I'm sorry. I-I'm sorry that… I should have listened to you. Let you~" Buck stopped him, putting the finger on his mouth.

"It's okay, Eddie, I should be the one to be sorry. You have all the right to be angry at me." Buck said, averting his gaze.

"Hey, look at me. I was angry. Yes. But I was angry at myself more. I was frustrated even. You did what you can do to save Chris from everything. I lashed out at you, dealing with Chris' nightmares are not helping as well." He said.

Buck frowns.

"Wait… Chris has still nightmares about the pier?" He asked the hazel-eyed man holding his hand.

"Yeah… It's taking a toll on me too. I asked Chris about it, and he talks, and it's always about the pier, how you saved him. A woman was drowning. I saw one of the drawings, and~" Eddie explained and sobs into Bucks' hand. The blonde just let him get it all out of his chest.

"I just can't Buck. I don't like my son being plague liked that. It pains me to see him like that. I would do everything for that kid. Everything. I'm sorry, Buck."

"It's okay, Eddie. Everything will be okay."

They talked about it, reconciling, reconnecting, listening, and understanding one's side of the story. 

They didn't notice a particular boy with glasses entering the room until he called both of them.

"Dad! Buck!" Chris called on the door. The two boys were looking at the kid coming towards them.

"Hey, Buddy." Eddie and Buck said at the same time.

Eddie walked to the other side of the bed to meet Chris along the way. Carla is standing at the door, watching like a mother cat.

"How was your day?" Eddie asked, hugging the kid.

"It's was fine, Dad… Buck!" The kid beamed at the blonde behind Eddie, smiling.

Eddie picked him up and settled Chris at the side of Buck. The kid immediately hugged the blonde missing him.

"I missed you, Buck." Chris's voice broke. Eddie was holding his tears. Buck, on the other hand, didn't his flood gate broke at Christopher's broken voice. Buck hugging him back, squeezing and kissing Chris's hair.

The kid burrows his face on Buck's shoulders, crying. Happy crying.

"Please don't leave us again, Buck." Chris's voice muffled on Buck's shoulders. 

"I won't, Never," Buck said with tears in his eyes looking up to Eddie, who's now crying as well. Eddie and Buck knew that this, this moment of life, they would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I did well in this fanfic.
> 
> *runs away hiding under the bed*


End file.
